Breastfeeding, MOTN wakeups, and partnership

I’m going to cut to the chase. It often happens that after a week or two at home, new mothers who are breastfeeding let their partner off the hook for getting up with the baby at night. Often the situation is that the non-birthing partner has to go back to work, so it’s decided that “it’s pointless for both of us to be exhausted when only one of us can feed the baby.”

Now - if it truly works for your family to have the breastfeeding parent do all the overnight infant wakeups while the other sleeps through the night - great! But I think it’s often a mistake, for one important reason - the mental health of the mother.

The hours spent nursing and soothing an infant in the middle of the night get lonely, at best. Being awoken by a furious baby every 2-3 hours, and made to stay awake at all hours of the night, for many nights in a row has also been described by many as downright harrowing. This is where it becomes

important for the partner to step up, at least to

*some* degree. A feeing of solidarity and teamwork are so valuable when you have an infant. And, two sets of hands helps keep the awake time shorter and less stressful - for example, if one parent breastfeeds, then wakes the other if diapering or rocking back to sleep is required.

I could go on. There is also the fact that being up in the middle of the night with a baby is real

bonding time, when the parent is learning all sorts of things about their baby, and about parenting. Why should the non-breastfeeding parent be denied that opportunity to learn and grow as a parent?

Bottom line? Being up together is not “pointless.” The point is support, participation. Connectedness.

Finally: if you ultimately decide that the breastfeeding parent will handle all the overnight wakeups, it is ESSENTIAL that there is a well-thought out plan in place for how that parent can catch up on rest. Severe lack of sleep is a huge risk factor for PPD/PPA. It might mean paying for help so mom can get more naps in during the day. Or it might mean picking up the housework slack so mom can go to bed at 7pm with baby. In any case - don’t let a new breastfeeding mom stay perpetually exhausted.

What are your thoughts? Drop them in the comments.

#maternalhealth #maternalmentalhealth #breastfeedingtips #newbornmom #lifewithbaby #postpartum #postpartumdoula